self made man?...

one of the good things about driving hundreds of miles around the five boroughs each week (i'm not a delivery boy btw) is that i get to listen to the howard stern show, just about the only celebrity personality i have had any respect for these days. i must look like a nut job in the mornings; sitting in traffic laughing my ass off at what is simply the best entertainment available on tv or radio these days. (sirius or howardstern for more:)

this morning i listened in on a great interview with one norah vincent, lesbian and author of a newly released book "self made man". the book apparently chronicles vincent's experiences as she lived as a man for several months. dressed like a man, spoke like a man and acted like a man. she even pasted tiny hairs to her face to achieve a 'five o'clock' shadow. now the fact that she did this, and did so successfully, is not what i found interesting. what made the interview so good was the unique opinions of an attractive woman who can accurately describe what it is to be a man....here's a brief summary of what she had to say.

(1) according to vincent (and every man in the world) men are funnier than women. funnier to be around, when with each other and generally much more humorous. note: women, lighten up...farting and crapping IS funny.

(2) vincent now sympathizes with men and their tough battle in trying to date women. having completed multiple dates as a man; she now realizes that even average looking girls place themselves on an almost unassailable pedestal. men are placed at the bottom of the scum ladder at the commencement of dating and that us poor bastards must try, through laborious and quite often humiliating effort, to impress the lady into further dates, something akin to peacocks and funky tails.

(3) she stated that one of the hardest conditions she had to maintain to achieve the allusion of being male was learning to be quiet more often. vincent argued that men only speak or converse when something merits the effort. women, she said, just never shut up and will continue spewing garbage without ever realizing it, or stopping it.

(4) vincent had a 'third-date' rule which meant that she admitted being a woman to her date on date number three...to avoid any messy revelations at a later time. however, on no fewer than three occasions, vincent's female dates said that they didn't care and would like to continue dating and on one occasion they went on to have sex together. this, despite the closet dweller's protestation that she would never consider being with woman despite her lack of success with men. vincent deduced that many women will openly refute any interest in a homosexual liaison when its likelihood is remote but if the opportunity lands unexpectedly in their lap, they'll snap it up.

(5) its harder to be a man than a woman in terms of facing probable violence. she gave the example of a cute girl telling a cab driver to 'go fuck himself' and her having no fear of repercussions....a guy is gonna face a beating in a similar situation.

anyway, the reports go on. its nothing groudbreaking but to hear male views from a female's experience is refreshing. personally. i'm gettin the book, but i do have to say...it could make a man think...what are we to do if the so called "fairer" sex now appears to be unfunny, yappy, pretentious, closet gay and cab driver terrorists...

hold on, i knew all that already...women; you're NOT all that.

but you do have boobs.

norah vincent online