l. ron hubbard rocks...

if anyone has a spare hour in the next few days they should sit down and have a butcher's hook at a fantastic article in rolling stone#995. janet reitman goes into marvellous depth in a candid and revealing investigation into the quack 'religion' of scientology.

now, when i say l.ron hubbard, the founder of scientology, rocks, i mean it more in the sense of the man's ability to lie, deceive and bluff his way to a fortune, than in any heroic or philanthropic way. for a man to start, what is now, a multi billion dollar 'religion' with cook stories about a galactic warlord named xenu who rounded up 13.5 trillion beings, 75 million years ago and dumped them into the volcanoes on earth is simply ingenius. to be revered to the point where each scientology church keeps an office furnished and ready for his return, 20 years after his death is astounding don't you think? he was hooked on painkillers and psychiatric drugs and finally died from pancreatitis and a stroke in 1986......the official church line on his death?? "he dropped his healthy body and moved on to another dimension"...fucking classic!!

if anyone here in the big banana is interested in having a peep into this lunatic ensemble you can visit the manhattan church on w46th st...but be prepared to be hounded for months by the fools inside who will pester you, according to reitman, for $4000 for an initial 'life repair' and 'purif'. a purif being some weird ritual to do with vitamin pills and a sauna.

seriously, you should read the article, there is simply too much amazing material for me to regale you with. i believe reitman intended to be impartial and as fair as possible but, through no fault of her's, every single fact laid out portrays the whole idea of scientology as completely insane. from the hundreds of thousands of dollars it takes to progress through its 'levels of enlightment, to the sickening shows of wealth in the churches and retreats it has....the whole cuckoo madness is about money.

and then you have "operation celebrity", a move started in 1955 to enlist famous members to spread the idiocy. and this operation has been successful it appears....scientology now boasts such well known names and certified nutjobs as john travolta (who claims scientology propelled his career...and not grease), kirsty alley (who quite frankly can't have anything to thank scientology for) and of course tom cruise, the most easily hated dwarf on the planet. short-arse cruise is apparently shit-hot in the scientology world, having achieved the highest level of enlightment "operating thetan viii"...apparently, such a freak as an otviii can possess telekinesis, can leave their physical body at will and travel to other times and dimensions. fun huh?

and i'm not just picking on scientology. all organised religion is insane to me. however, as goddam cuckoo as scientology is...it hasn't been the reason for any wars or deaths yet, least not any i know of....christianity, judaism, islam....they've all resulted in millions of deaths it can't be denied. but there is time yet, a scientology crusade could be iminent...travolta and cruise charging in on white horses to convert the unenlightened.....though cruise's steed would most definitely be a shetland...watch out folks!

Rolling Stone: Inside Scientology