craic...

so here it is, a gem of literary lunacy with the aim of explaining the strange phenomenon referred to by the irish as craic! what is it? where does it come from? how is it created? it’s a difficult thing to explain that’s for sure, for craic is a fickle, short-lived creature and impossible to capture.

loosely, it means to have fun with good friends, accompanied by the preferred, though not entirely necessary, elements of wild music and bellies of drink. craic can happen anywhere, on a sunday morning at mass (though rarely), during lunch at work, even at a funeral or just simply a-sitting on your ass watching the world go by. one essential factor is that craic must be spontaneous: planned craic is pathetic and useless, as much fun as being kevin federline's press secretary. you can diligently assemble all the most desirable ingredients – friday night after work, a bunch of the lads, a rake of pints, some classic rock blaring in the background – yet the result can be as satisfying as a white castle quarter pounder and as exciting as a chess match on a rainy wednesday evening. you could take all the craic in the world and get rid of it, and that’s how much craic there would be.

but drop in for a quick one, the “i’ve got to work in the morning” drink, not a drop more, and you will probably be in for the best night of your life. the craic, as we say, will be 90.

in the same way you can’t be too objective, too judgemental, and too self-congratulatory; if at any time you stand back from the group and think to yourself, “ain’t this mighty craic…” you are committing the ancient sin. pride goes before a fall and you are in grave danger of losing the spirit. you must yield completely to the experience, allow the waves of laughter and shouting, the repartee and little one-liners to wash over you, and resist any temptation to actually start thinking.

quantum physics helps us to understand this phenomenon; heisenburg’s uncertainty principle explained that looking at the nba league tells us very little about its position, as by the time the light arrives back at our eyes there will have been more losses, sexual harressment scandals, bloated manager salaries and the knicks will be fucked for another year. and similarly, by the time you comprehend you are having a bit of craic, the craic will have moved on and you won't part of it no more. and by withdrawing your own mindless input you may have fatally damaged the vital chemistry for everyone else.

so it seems the universally accepted way of having craic is to not acknowledge having it in the first place. it appears that we can alter not only what we touch but even what we think of. ah, the frail world we live in!