weekend in limbo...

its friday, the 'feeling' is kickin in and all i want to do is hit the city and let the good times roll. however, a drawback to being an out of towner living in new york is that from time to time you may have to return home in less than happy circumstances. and for the past couple of days i've been in the midst of such a scenario. grandmothers, by very nature of their positions, tend to be a bit older than the rest of us and as such are a few places further up the queue and therefore closer to the check out. back in the rural west of ireland i have such a grandmother; who now appears to be ready to say adios to the rest of us poor, overworked soldier ants and go to her eternal rest.

i had an excellent upbringing and am lucky to have a wonderful family back home with all of whom i am close to. however, death is something that has never upset me in the way it can others. this often leads people to think i am (a) a cold hearted asshole or (b) a result of regular childhood beatings. neither are true. i just think of the whole process of life and death with a rational outlook and as a result it tends not to effect me. to be honest it would not bother me to stay in new york if and when my grandmother dies...however, i fear the desicion could possibly result in some resentment and hurt on the part of my mother. something that must be avoided.

therefore, i am in a limbonic state of mind as i enter the much needed weekend. my ear is ever constant in its wait for the sound of the phone and the inevitable news that her time is over. then, i must race to find the next flight back to ireland, attend to my duties as a member of the grieving family before racing back to new york to achieve a minimal loss of work time. i also want to enjoy my weekend as normal, comprising plenty of JD and coke, good movies, good (female) company, bar hopping through a multitude of 100 zip codes and generally letting the proverbial hair down...what to do!

and yes i'm quite bloody sure there is no such word as limbonic but i think there should be...."limbonic" lim-bon-ick being in a state of limbo....sounds good anyway....limbonic, limbonic, limbonic.....limbonic.........it has lost all meaning, wait, it may never have had any...hmmm. a word that never existed...is that possible? i mean even if it is made up...its still a word right? so then it did exist. or is there a really rigid definition of a word, or like a wordmaster who has final say or something? uh oh, here come the men in white coats............