prancing lance...

i'm fairly sure not many people will agree with me here but i simply cannot stand the very existence of lance armstrong. a friend of mine was surprised yesterday when we agreed on this point after his mug was on the news again after the break up with that tour de france groupie sheryl crow. don't worry, this won't be a long rant; as currently i'm feeling like 2 lbs of crap squeezed into a 1 lb bag as a direct result of a long night touring multiple bars in manhattan....a tour that took in such gems as the nassau bar, mike's pizzeria and higher end establishments like the gaslight.

anyway, back to armstrong. do the words sanctimonious, narcissistic or self-congratulatory mean anything in texas? the world already has to put up with that bush idiot but for the past few years we've had to endure prancing lance as well. so you beat cancer? well done, get over it already! and the whole bicycle thing? i mean for fuck sake, richard simmons wearing a face mask while watching queer as folk is less gay than cycling for a living. with the spandex, the sperm destroying saddle, and the dumb little hats, its just not cool.

now if that isn't bad enough we have the bracelet thing. that concept has got to top the most retarded list of things in the world, ever. fools running around wearing yellow rubber bangles, pretending to care about cancer research? what the fuck is that about? people actually buy these things on ebay!!...anyone caught wearing a yellow band should first of all be shot repeatedly with balls of their own shit and then made give a whole pay check to actual cancer research...morons, the half of them don't even know what the band represents!

the problem is you can't really blame the general masses, i mean after all, such crap as american idol, britney spears and tofu remain popular because of those very people. so, the bottom line is that its armstrong's fault for inventing the bloody things....with the yellow band brainstorm he has propelled himself into the elite group of people that i truly detest, rubbing shoulders with the likes of haley joel osmond, kevin federline and dakota fanning.

so stop with the bicycles lance, quit trying to elevate yourself to celebrity status by dating flaky, pseudo rock stars, and finally, please go on global television and ask for every yellow band in the world to be burned before settling on an island somewhere....far, far away.